kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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