I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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