Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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