Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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