I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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