I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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