Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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