you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
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You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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