Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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