My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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