and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
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Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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