I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
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She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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