so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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