Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
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the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
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I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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