No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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