You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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