Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
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