Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

I'm eating all of the evidence.

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(716): I'm eating all of the evidence. http://tfl.nu/m4yn

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(703): View more from Virginia

The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."

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(703): The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am." http://tfl.nu/b7uw

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(585): View more from New York

WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET

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(585): WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET http://tfl.nu/jxod

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.

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(412): Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet. http://tfl.nu/977n

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(310): View more from California

i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

(818): View more from California

julia child would be proud.

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(310): i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets (818): julia child would be proud. http://tfl.nu/gv9u

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.

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(612): I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday. http://tfl.nu/86uh

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(+32): View more from Belgium

We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.

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(+32): We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers. http://tfl.nu/61q6

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(240): View more from Maryland

The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.

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(240): The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week. http://tfl.nu/o9bn

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(806): View more from Texas

Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that

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(806): Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that http://tfl.nu/ovs4

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(619): View more from California

definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius

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(619): definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius http://tfl.nu/ay4s

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(337): View more from Louisiana

I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...

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(337): I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job... http://tfl.nu/0251

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(914): View more from New York

What are you wearing tonight?

(510): View more from California

The colors of the winddddddd

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(914): What are you wearing tonight? (510): The colors of the winddddddd http://tfl.nu/dt24

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(217): View more from Illinois

Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.

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(217): Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again. http://tfl.nu/k53k

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(205): View more from Alabama

I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.

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(205): I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating. http://tfl.nu/dthl

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(514): View more from Quebec

dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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(514): dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it http://tfl.nu/9328

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