its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there is glitter all over my balls
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize