nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize