My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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