no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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