Kareoke will never be a sober sport
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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