I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
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There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
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Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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