Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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