no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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