If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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