DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Walk of Shame today included voting.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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