I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize