We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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