my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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