you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize