Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize