he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
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I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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