"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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