I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
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I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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