i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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