Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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