So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she pinky promised me she was 18
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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