I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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