i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
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we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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