Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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