this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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