I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize