We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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