I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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