Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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