**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
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he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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