I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize