I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize